I may not be learning anything, but at least I'm getting SOMETHING out of my classes.....

I started drawing in Stats this morning, and by the end of the day, this is what had come out. I clearly have a very convoluted one track mind. Have fun trying to make sense of it!

Note: click on picture to see a bigger version of it.

Here are some links that might help you make a little more sense of what is up there........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEEpavnk7Uw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEzbwcMG9Gc
http://www.newmonasticism.org/12marks.php
http://www.rebaplacefellowship.org/Home
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Settlement_house
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roMgWzXOnvY

Some other useful things:
Nichole Nordeman's song "Fool for You"
1 Corinthians 13:13
Isaiah 40:31
Matthew 28:19-20
Romans 5:3-5

Also, I can't find my Relient K shirt........I think it's at home.........Sad day :-(

The hardest thing in the world.....

.....is to trust in God.

I just keep being stretched further and further in my faith everyday, and it's amazing to watch God's faithfulness every step of the way.

I realized on Friday that I have not been trusting God to handle the problems with the BSW (Bachelor's in Social Work) program. Sure, I say I do, but when it really comes down to it, I wasn't letting go. I was worrying about the future, and miserable about potentially leaving the community here. So I gave it up to God and set about trying my best to trust him. And trusting God is hard work, let me tell you. I started looking at other schools, because I know that social work is where God wants me, but all the time I was hoping that he would work out some way for me to stay. In fact, this resulted in my collapsing into tears last night.

But of course, God is good, and in the end I think all of this really just happened to show me that I wasn't trusting God and to remind me of his faithfulness, because I talked to the head of the MSW program (who is also currently in charge of the BSW program), and I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Does happy dance*

The BSW program IS going to happen my Junior year. They have the money; the Trustees just asked them to slow down the process by one year because of the current budget crunch. The program will already be in candidacy for accreditation when I enroll, and because the former BSW program and the current MSW and PhD programs are accredited, there is no doubt that my years will be retroactively accredited. Also, the program is designed to be completed in a year and a half, so I will not be at all behind schedule for graduation.
Probably the coolest part of all of this is that I will have time to minor in Spanish and study abroad next year, which I hadn't planned on being able to do. And did I mention that the Social Work building is even closer to my dorm than Krannert Center for the Performing Arts (where all my theatre classes were)? Yet again, God's plans are better than my own!

In other news, I missed my first class the last two days, but I needed the time to rest. I was able to actually eat breakfast on Monday and spend some time with God. I opened my Bible to Isaiah, which is not a book I read from very often, but as always, God had something to show me. Here are some of the things that stuck out to me.

I was reading from Isaiah 55-56, and I was incredibly worn out and tired from trying to trust the Lord with all the changes going on in my life right now. The chapter begins like this though:

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

Why do I spend so much time worrying about earthly things? Who am I to know where I will go in the future, and what value is a worldly education in light of eternity? Nothing here can satisfy me; only the Lord. It seems to me that this weekend's 30 hour famine is coming at just the right time. I need to refocus on what really matters in this life.

" 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
and neither are your ways my ways,'
declares the Lord.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed.'
This is what the Lord says:
'Maintain justice
and do what is right,
for my salvation is close at hand
and my righteousness will soon be revealed.
Blessed is the man who does this,
the man who holds it fast,
who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it,
and keeps his hand from doing any evil.' "
(Isaiah 55:8-56:2)

This takes up time, but I don't care.

Changing schools is hard. Really hard. I've just gotten all settled in here, and now I have to uproot myself yet again. You'd think I'd be good at this by now after doing it in Costa Rica and then here, but this has become home for me.
I realized today that it isn't U of I that I'm going to miss. It's a wonderful school, but I will have no problems leaving it. Leaving the community at InterVarsity though, is going to be very very hard. I love those people. There is nothing like being part of a group of people that is totally on fire for God. Everybody there is there because they want to be, and It's amazing to hear about God's calling on so many of their lives. I love these people, and I've only known them a few months.
I have so many ideas and dreams for what next year could be like if I stayed, ways to grow our area from 5 or 6 people into a big group.
But it seems God's plan is taking me away from here.

I'm having trouble trusting him, which feels so funny to say, because I've been trusting him with so much lately, and that's how all this came about. But its true. Now that I'm being asked to give up something dear to me, I'm having trouble trusting that God's plan is better. It reminds me of last night. I was rather reluctant to go swing dancing with my friend Laura, because I have no idea what I'm doing out there on the dance floor, but by the end of the night it was I who didn't want to leave, not Laura. Please pray that I would let go and let God lead!

Right now my biggest question is whether I want to go to a Christian school or not. For curriculum purposes, I'd really like to. I'd like to learn social work from a God-honoring perspective. However, in all other areas I want to attend a non-Christian school. I feel like the small IV community we have here at this big public institution is more alive, more full of joy, more desiring to chase after God than the community at most Christian schools. I could be wrong; mom likes to remind me that I probably am whenever I bring this up, but someone else seconded my opinion today.
I also don't want to lose the opportunity for outreach that I have here. Here we as Christians stand out, we're a light and people wonder what we have, wonder at the peace in our lives. How much can we do that on a Christian campus? Or maybe what I should ask is How much does that actually happen on a Christian campus? I'm scared to fall into a rather spiritually dead zone, where people are really good at following the rules and really good at singing the songs and talking the talk, but miss the point. I know that if it weren't for the time I spent without the proximity of the church, I would still be in that place today. Thank God for the hardships of Costa Rica!
hehe....that reminds me of Romans 5:1-11

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

I WILL TRUST IN GOD.....no matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I fail at it and have to start over, no matter what strange and unexpected places he takes me.

I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD......for he is good! His love endures forever!

Well, thats about it.....a quick update on what's going on right now besides the random thoughts in my head:

• Lots of people have been suggesting schools to me. I appreciate that, because then I know at least one person likes the school, but to make things easier for me, please make sure the school is accredited before suggesting it. You can do that here. Go down to the bottom of the page, select what state your school is in, put in baccalaureate for program level, and press search. If your school shows up, it is accredited.
• I have a meeting with the department of social work here on Tuesday. Please pray that I get something useful from it!
• So far I'm looking at Calvin, Anderson, Taylor, Bradley, and Loyola. I haven't gotten through the accredited schools list yet, so I expect this to change. My favorite so far is Loyola, but it is waaaaaaay out of my affordability range. Yet another thing to pray about!
• Three of the IV area groups here are doing 30 hour famine this weekend. Please pray that it goes well. Also, I'm leading one of the prayer times on Saturday, so I would appreciate your prayers for that too.
  

My Friend's Blog - Her Journey into the Fog

So my friend Stephanie is in Kolkata right now, and reading her blog has been really moving for me. You should check it out.

http://pathano-ami.blogspot.com/

New Book Study

My friend Lydia and I are starting a book study on The Heart of Racial Justice by Brenda Salter McNeil and Rick Richardson. We're meeting for lunch tomorrow (or rather, today), but here are some of my thoughts on the chapter so far.

The first chapter addresses whether race is really an issue anymore, which of course, it is, or there wouldn't be any point in writing the rest of the book!

"It is estimated that in the next 20 years white Americans will become a minority in the United States, and most of the nation's population will be Asian and Hispanic."

My first reaction to this is that I'm totally fine with that, but then I get to thinking, what does this really mean for me? For one thing, it means I need to get my rusty Spanish brushed up to fluency, and someday one of the more important things I will do for my kids is make sure they are bilingual or trilingual. But if I get right down to the heart of things, while I am fine with this happening, I am also uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong- I don't think any less of people just because they look different than me. But here when people of other races and ethnicities are hanging out in groups I'm intimidated about saying hello (no matter how badly I want to), like there's an invisible barrier, and I'm painfully aware that I'm an average white American mutt who can trace my lineage back to at least 6 different European countries, none of whose traditions I carry on.
I know this isn't how it's supposed to be. And this isn't how I want to be. I love the diversity here at school. I love talking to people from all over the world (It's only the groups that intimidate me, not individual people)

I need to learn to see the people around me as God sees them. Each and every person is incredibly special.

I'm actually scared to go to a Christian college next year. I dread returning to the bubble that private schools provide, to a student body that is primarily middle class white kids from the suburbs (because few others can afford private schools......so expensive!). I love the diversity here, singing praises to God in so many different languages, worshiping in such a colorful congregation. There is something very special about being a diverse Christian community.

But maybe my fears about the Christian colleges are totally off the mark. That would be nice.

The book mentioned Bosnian ethnic cleansing, and it stopped me cold. I stage managed a show on this last semester, and it will stay with me for a long long time. (If you don't know what happened in Bosnia, go here and here. Be forewarned, it's a very disturbing story) It makes me wonder though, what happens in a man that he can turn around and kill his friend or rape an innocent child? What corrupts us so much that we see those who are different from us as worthless or a threat?

If only we could pinpoint the cause......

"Unfortunately, the Christian church seems woefully inadequate to rouse itself from apathy in the face of these deep-rooted global and social problems...There is tremendous disparity between the vision God has for us and our current social reality, and Christians seem powerless to even begin bridging the gap."

But the rest of the book is about bridging that gap, and I'm excited!

In my opinion, the answer to the problem is love, plain and simple. And I don't mean romantic love or any of that fluffy emotion stuff. I mean down to earth caring about every single person you come across. Even the ones that hate you.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Backstory

So, God has been doing some crazy-wonderful things in my life lately, and I feel the need to share. So here is a condensed version of the story up till now. For those of you that were following my notes on facebook, this should look awfully familiar.


I wrote this back in November:

Hi, I'm Bethany, and I haven't a clue what to do with my life.

Actually, that's a total lie. I do know what I want to do with my life; I'm just not sure what I should major in to do it.
Don't get me wrong, I love theatre. But I also want to have a life, and that's just not happening. I want to be able to go to InterVarsity, see my friends, sing on the worship team, go to small group, maybe make it to juggling club once in a while. I want to have a chance to swim, and to do some volunteer work. But, I'm in theatre, so I spend nine hours a week in class to earn one credit hour towards my degree......and then go to rehearsal of course.....
I also was making a list the other day of all the electives I want to take.......none of them are in theatre, but they pretty much all deal with people in one way or another. Take a look:

spanish, intro to Islam, geography of international conflicts, geography of developing countries, intro to energy sources, contemporary labor problems, intro to epidemiology, population issues, intro to social work, comparative family organization, contemporary women's issues, Intro to family studies, U.S. racial and ethnic politics, world religions, drug use and abuse, disability in American society, gender race class and work, Muslims in America, race and cultural diversity, comparative politics in developing nations

They're all across the board in the social sciences, but they all have one thing in common for me; somehow or another, they all tie into being able to help people

See, that's all I really want to do. Just help people that no one else cares about. When I was little, Mother Teresa was my hero. Come to think of it, she still is. Not because she did something great, but because she saw the need right where she was and gave her all to meet it.
Aren't we as Christians called to be merciful, compassionate? Aren't we supposed to feed the hungry and take care of the poor among us? And how miserably we have failed! Do you even know who the poor in our community are? How about the poor in our churches? Do I know who is hurting, who needs encouragement, who needs help with something?
Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord, but the second is to love our neighbor. I don't know my neighbors, and I'm separated from them only by a single wall. I'm failing miserably at this loving thing.

But I don't want to!

For now, however, I'm sticking with theatre because I don't know what else to do. And maybe God will keep me here and use the skills I'm learning in the future. But if anyone can think of a major that seems to fit what I want to do, let me know. :-)



I wrote these next two last week:

God is Amazing (otherwise known as look what God is doing!)

The short version is that God is completely turning my life upside down. And its awesome.

The long version is this:

Most of you know that I started here at UIUC as a theatre major. I had it all planned out; I was going to get my degree in stage management, maybe live and work the theatre district in London for a couple years, and then I wanted to work for Cirque du Soleil. God had a different plan for me though.

Starting last June, he began to instill a passion in me for helping those in need around me. I saw that in many ways the church is doing more to help those in need in other countries than it is doing to help those in our our communities, and that really saddened me. And then he began to call me to do something about it. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but God is very very persistent when he wants you to hear something (if it were my mom doing it, I might be tempted to call it nagging). In nearly every book or news article I read, every verse I was given, every song, every sermon, they all were centered around doing God's will, being the authentic church, and serving those around us.
But then school started, and I could have easily gotten caught up in college and forgotten about it. Except that the very first night here I ran into Jenn, who I went to high school with. I didn't even know she went here, and as it turned out, we live in the same dorm. Through her i got hooked into Intervarsity and a church. And do you know what the first few sermons I heard were on? That's right, doing God's will, being the authentic church, and serving those around me.
At this point I started really listening and here's where it led:
1) Last December during finals week, I informed the theatre department that I would be changing majors.
2)I talked to an advisor at the division of general studies, and determined that I would be switching to Social Work. There's a catch however. We don't actually have an undergrad social work program. However, there is one pending provost approval that they hope to have up and running by this fall. Great! But that still leaves everything up in the air, because it could get denied. Not to mention the fact that I doubt it will be an accredited program the first few years. So I don't know if I'll be staying or going or whatnot.... God hasn't told me yet.
3) I've really begun to notice God's provision in my life lately. For one thing, my advisor told me that I would need to take Psych Stats this semester as a prerequisite to switching into social work. Thing is, when I went back to add it into my schedule, the class was full. Since I knew this is where God was leading me, I went ahead and bought the textbook anyway, and prayed that a space would open up. I had basically given up hope, but the night before classes started I checked one more time, and there was a space! Praise God!
For another, I have a new roommate. I liked my old roommate (despite not seeing a whole lot of her), so I wasn't very happy about the idea at first. I needn't have worried. We get along great, and she's even got me singing again :-) (Thanks Katie!)
4) I started looking for internships for the summer, and found one that is perfect, working down in the city with exactly the people I want to work with after I graduate (poor, homeless, marginalized people, anyone in need of help that they aren't getting). Even cooler, I had already decided to apply when I realized that it was the same one my good friend had applied for. So Sam and I might be spending the summer together!
On another note with that, there have been some major technical difficulties with getting the application turned in, and I can't get ahold of people who can help (I've been trying for over a week now, and I'm not getting any responses to my messages, etc.) So I could use some prayer on this.

Thats most of what's going on. It's hard to remember everything when I'm writing. Get me talking to you about it and more will just come spilling out though :-)

My dad and I were talking the other day and he quoted something that made me think. He said that a lot of people think that the more closely you follow God, the clearer your future gets, but in reality, the more closely you follow God, the thicker the fog gets.
I have absolutely no idea where I will be in a couple weeks, let alone this summer an beyond. I could be filling out college applications (ugh), on a spring break missions trip, doing internships, etc. The thing is though, I'm not worried at all. I gave up control of all of this to God, and now I just get to sit back (figuratively, cause it's actually a lot of work) and enjoy the ride.

And I'm having so much fun! (you should try it)



Barely got my note posted and already an update

Well, apparently there will not be an undergrad social work program here until my junior year.

This is problematic for a number of reasons:
1) They still aren't 100% sure that they will have the program in 2010
2) The program will for sure not be accredited right away
3)You have to declare a major by the time you have Junior standing. At the end of this semester I will have 53 credits, and I believe that Junior standing is 60. This could cause problems with transferring two semesters from now when I've earned another 32 credits.

So, there is a good chance that I will have to change schools. But I love it here and don't want to leave, and the idea of doing college applications all over again kinda just makes me want to break down and cry.

I guess what I really wanted to say is, please keep me in your prayers over the next few weeks. I'm going to need them!

On a happier note, I submitted my application today :-)