The hardest thing in the world.....

.....is to trust in God.

I just keep being stretched further and further in my faith everyday, and it's amazing to watch God's faithfulness every step of the way.

I realized on Friday that I have not been trusting God to handle the problems with the BSW (Bachelor's in Social Work) program. Sure, I say I do, but when it really comes down to it, I wasn't letting go. I was worrying about the future, and miserable about potentially leaving the community here. So I gave it up to God and set about trying my best to trust him. And trusting God is hard work, let me tell you. I started looking at other schools, because I know that social work is where God wants me, but all the time I was hoping that he would work out some way for me to stay. In fact, this resulted in my collapsing into tears last night.

But of course, God is good, and in the end I think all of this really just happened to show me that I wasn't trusting God and to remind me of his faithfulness, because I talked to the head of the MSW program (who is also currently in charge of the BSW program), and I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Does happy dance*

The BSW program IS going to happen my Junior year. They have the money; the Trustees just asked them to slow down the process by one year because of the current budget crunch. The program will already be in candidacy for accreditation when I enroll, and because the former BSW program and the current MSW and PhD programs are accredited, there is no doubt that my years will be retroactively accredited. Also, the program is designed to be completed in a year and a half, so I will not be at all behind schedule for graduation.
Probably the coolest part of all of this is that I will have time to minor in Spanish and study abroad next year, which I hadn't planned on being able to do. And did I mention that the Social Work building is even closer to my dorm than Krannert Center for the Performing Arts (where all my theatre classes were)? Yet again, God's plans are better than my own!

In other news, I missed my first class the last two days, but I needed the time to rest. I was able to actually eat breakfast on Monday and spend some time with God. I opened my Bible to Isaiah, which is not a book I read from very often, but as always, God had something to show me. Here are some of the things that stuck out to me.

I was reading from Isaiah 55-56, and I was incredibly worn out and tired from trying to trust the Lord with all the changes going on in my life right now. The chapter begins like this though:

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

Why do I spend so much time worrying about earthly things? Who am I to know where I will go in the future, and what value is a worldly education in light of eternity? Nothing here can satisfy me; only the Lord. It seems to me that this weekend's 30 hour famine is coming at just the right time. I need to refocus on what really matters in this life.

" 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
and neither are your ways my ways,'
declares the Lord.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed.'
This is what the Lord says:
'Maintain justice
and do what is right,
for my salvation is close at hand
and my righteousness will soon be revealed.
Blessed is the man who does this,
the man who holds it fast,
who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it,
and keeps his hand from doing any evil.' "
(Isaiah 55:8-56:2)